home alone

I always thought being home alone would be fun.

I always pictured myself enjoying my freedom. Being able to do anything I want to do. And even though I get to do anything now, it just doesn't seem right. Fret not, I'm not going to do anything that's wrong.

As I waved goodbye to my mum and brothers, and all my other relatives. It just felt weird. This weekend it would just be my dad and I. Super weird. I kinda miss my brothers. Hmmm.

And now the question is, what am I going to do. I'm so bored at home I'm willing to do anything. Hmmm.

one more belt..

Tomorrow my brothers will be going for their black belt taekwondo exam.

So I started thinking. It would have been so cool if I had actually not quit taekwondo. I'll most probably be taking the exam with them. It's so not cool to say I'm only a red belt (even though it's only one belt away from black). And because I'm 16, if I pass, I'll be a black belt. My brothers, being below 16, only can junior black.

And so you may ask, why did I quit.

I quit because my love for handbells and piano was much greater. I had practises non stop in the june holidays last year, plus I had to prepare for my piano exam. With all that, I found myself too tired to actually continue taekwondo. There were many times when handbells practises ended late in the night, and I could not afford to pay for taekwondo lessons that I did not have time to attend.

So, I don't really regret it. But it would be so cool to actually continue doing it. Then again. I'm too lazy. All that training again is just going to make me sore.. one more belt........ .

Nevermind, I'll be satisfied to be a red belt.. Worst come to worst, I'll just get myself a black belt and live in denial. haha

and no, I don't do flying kicks. Nor will I do a demo for anyone.. hahaha. Unless you bribe me well

and the question is. Shoud I go down to see my brothers, or go to church.. hmmmmm. HOW HOW HOW

I got this off someone's blog. And all I can say is, WOW

Your best friend falls in love
and her brain turns to water.
You can watch her lips move,
making the customary sounds,
but you can see they're merely words,
flimsy as bubbles rising
from some golden sea where she
swims sleek and exotic as a mermaid.

It's always like that.
You stop for lunch in a crowded
restaurant and the waitress floats
toward you. You can tell she doesn't care
whether you have the baked or french-fried
and you wonder if your voice comes out in bubbles too.

It's not just women either. Or love
for that matter. The old man
across from you on the bus holds
a young child on his knee;
he is singingto her and his voice is a small boy
turning somersaults in the green
country of his blood.
It's only when the driver calls his stop
that he emerges into this puzzle
of brick and tiny hedges. Only then
you notice his shaking hands, his need
of the child to guide him home.

All over the city
you move in your own seasons
through the seasons of others: old women, faces
clawed by weather you can't feel
clack dry tongues at passersby
while adolescents seethe
in their glassy atmospheres of anger.

In parks, the children are alien life-forms, rooted
in the galaxies they've grown through
to get here. Their games weave
the interface and their laughter
tickles that part of your brain where smells
are hidden and the nuzzling textures of things.

It's a wonder that anything gets done
at all: a mechanic flailsat the muffler of your car
through whatever storm he's trapped inside
and the mailman stares at numbers
from the haze of a distant summer.

Yet somehow letters arrive and buses
remember their routes. Banks balance.
Mangoes ripen on the supermarket shelves.
Everyone manages. You gulp the thin air
of this planet as if it were the only one you knew.
Even the earth you're
standing on seems solid enough.
It's always the chance word, unthinking
gesture that unlocks the face before you.
Reveals the intricate countries
deep within the eyes.
The hidden lives, like sudden miracles, that breathe there.

time flies

Exactly one year ago, I was on the way to Japan with mghandbells '06. By the way, HAPPY BIRTHDAY YUN JING!

How time really flies..

It really seems like in a blink of an eye, everything just zoomed by. It seems rather impossible how everything just zipped by. To think that I've actually completed my secondary school education and 10 whole years in mg. All those times spent there, to think that it's all over.

Sec 3 and sec 4 really flew by. I am so grateful to have such wonderful teachers who actually saw me through this year and the year before. They were always encouraging me to never give up and they brought smiles and laughter to me. Class would have never been the same without them.

My dear 4i '07. I know you must really have wondered why you actually chose me to be your class chairman. I guess you just didn't really know us at that time. But yeah, I'm glad to have you people as classmates, no matter how stressed you all make it. Well, be glad, now you'll never have to listen to me chasing you for forms. And a piece of advise, you all have to learn how to pay attention to what your teacher says, because, you won't be able to ask me what your teacher says anymore. YAY ME! But I must say, upper sec wouldn't have been as great without you people.

Handbellers oh handbellers '06 was legendary and that will never change. '07 yeah performing with you guys was a bit more stressful. But nevertheless, it was wonderful performing with you. Please don't torture tiffany and priscilla and be obedient yea? If I come back and I see you all torturing poor tiffany and priscilla, well, I'll be really disappointed. (I decided not to say exactly what I'll do)

Well. I'm not in the mood to continue this post. Till another time

There! I said it!

the long bus ride

I enjoy long bus rides. It gives me the chance to think things through especially when my mind is just in a blur.

Today I came to this conclusion - I've yet to grow up.

I remembered once that I told a friend, there's always two ways to look at things. You could look at things from a positive aspect or from a negative aspect. And needless to say, looking at the positive aspect is better. Yet, I don't practise what I preach. For the past few days, I've been what people could describe as 'emo'. After thinking through, I realised, feeling 'emo' was just an excuse I've been using. Truth to be told, I was just being negative the whole time. I didn't even bother to even try to look at the positive side of things. Feeling negative, at that point of time, seemed like the easiest thing. Then it hit me. I'm such a blessed girl and that I should be counting my blessings instead of thinking of what I don't have. I mean like, if Jesus could be so positive even though the world seemed to be against Him, and if I want to be like Him, shouldn't I also start thinking positive.

True, not everything may go my way. Yet, I have decided no more nonsense from me. And I apologise if I have pulled a black face in front of any of you. Monica shall no longer give any more nonsense.

I want to be a person, that when people look at me, they know I'm a christian through the way I carry myself. And how am I going to be able to be like that, if I think that being 'emo' is fine. Monica should never be allowed to be 'emo'.

After much consideration, I think I'll just take a leap of faith. And it's not going to be easy.

Lord please give me the strength and courage

Freedom

In a matter of hours, I'll be free!!

Free from this torture! No more O Levels.

I can imagine them saying stop writing at 430 and this really wide wide grin will be found across my face, provided the paper is do-able.

Oh yay! No more exams! It was such a torture to be studying throughout the whole weekend. That long 4 days long weekend.

FREEDOM! I can already taste the freedom.

The countdown is getting lower...

They ain't heavy

I think it's so funny how Brendan actually manages to look like that monkey on his shirt. If Ian was more awake, this photo would have been funnier. But oh wells.

They ain't heavy, cos they're my brothers..




I thought you were my friend :(

Testify To Love

All the colors of the rainbow
All of voices of the wind
Every dream that reaches out
That reaches out to find where love begins
Every word of every story
Every star in every sky
Every corner of creation lives to testify

For as long as I shall live
I will testify to love
I'll be a witness in the silences when words are not enough
With every breath I take I will give thanks to God above
For as long as I shall live
I will testify to love

From the mountains to the valleys
From the rivers to the sea
Every hand that reaches out
Every hand that reaches out to offer peace
Every simple act of mercy
Every step to kingdom come
All the Hope in every heart will speak what love has done.

Am I ready?

Mission trip is coming, in less than a month.

Am I willing to make sarcifices to live up to expectations? Am I going to cause a lot of trouble or be the one who helps out and makes life easier for others? Am I going to show that I'm a christian through the way I behave? Am I going to be significant or sucessful?

What am I going there for? What am I trying to achieve out of this trip?

Till I can come up with satisfactory answers, I dare not say I'm mentally ready for the trip.

This year is going to be different, that I promise You Lord.

Bored without a cure

This is bad. This is very very bad.

It's not even the holidays for me and I'm already BORED! Like I'm done studying and now I feel like I'm just wasting my time. Ok maybe when I'm officially having my holidays I'll be able to go out and stuff, so time won't be wasted. If not I'll definitely work or something. And I pictured the holidays to be more magical meaningful. Today (even though I'm not having any holidays) feels so wasted. Once again, if only I ended my papers today. Then I'll most probably be either freezing in the hall or rejoicing. Anything but feel bored and meaningless.

Maybe I should play the piano. NAHH. I'm too lazy for that. Come to think of it. I have no idea how I want to spend my holidays. Which means that most probably I'll be wasting time. And that isn't the best of plans. I don't think I can be going out everyday can I? And even if I do, I'm sure that after a while I'll just be bored of doing that.

Mission trip oh mission trip. If only you would come earlier and last longer. I seriously can't wait for it. Even though we're going to only Melaka. Ok, there's nothing wrong with going there. I rather not take a plane anyways. haha. Planes and Monica just don't go well together. Not at all. This time, I will go, knowing what I want to do - serving with all my heart. To do everything joyfully without any complains. Honestly, I think chances that I accomplish that is rather low, but still, that's my goal and I'm going to try to achieve it. If I actually managed to hit my target of saving a certain amount of money every month, plus do qt, (which I've been struggling to do for the longest time), I'm sure I can do this. JIA YOU ME!!

Oh well. Now to find something more meaningful to do, or at least someone to disturb. haha.

Changes

As I end a chapter of my life and start a new one, I thought I should change my blogskin as well.

So many things are going to change. The school I'm going to attend, the classmates I'm going to have, the new surroundings (no more shelter from mg), and loads more...

Ok, technically I am still having O Levels, but I just couldn't resist changing my blogskin. I had the other one for such a long time, and I decided it was time for a change. To think that my third week of exams are over. Now only left next monday, chem and physics paper 1 and I'll be done with this major exam. WOW

Don't worry, I'm not going to start recollecting all my memories. At least not now. Must wait for that significant moment.

Decisions after decisions are going to have to be made. Just pray that I've the wisdom to make the correct ones. These decisions are life changing decisions? One mistake and I'm going to regret it for life.

And ok, I guess it doesn't really matter how many people know. Should I go overseas, Australia, after this like for education or should I just stay in Singapore. I seriously seriously seriously need some advice. Like pros and cons. I'm going mad.. And I want to keep all my friends. I know if I leave, I'll most probably lose every other friend I have. And I dont' really want that to happen. Sigh. HELP!!!

Oh well. You are entitled to just marvel at my blogskin. haha.

Oh and I recommend you all to watch the Game Plan. NICE SHOW!

Guide to flying

Monica's guide to fly (or feel like you're flying)
works better for those who are wearing spectacles

1. Go to a nice spectacles shop (Mr Eyewear at West Mall is real good and efficient)
2. Get your eyes checked
3. Pray really really hard that your degree has changed (good excuses to get new frames)
4. Choose a nice pair of frames
5. Make your specs
6. Put on new specs
7. Now you'll feel like you're flying (so flap your wings..)

haha. I've nothing better to do in my life. And I just made a new pair of specs! YAY! Today's outing just proves how that stupid stupid Ming Ming Spectacle Shop has been cheating me. How can he not know that degree can drop! HMPH! My short sightedness improved!! YAY!! But my astige (however you spell it) went up.. No wonder I've been having such bad headaches.Sigh. I'll never get to wear contact lens at this rate. But oh well. Maybe if my short sightedness improve again, I can get new specs!! And I got my specs in half an hour. This guy is seriously efficient and very detailed in his work! I rate him 10 upon 10!!!

Two weeks of O Levels over! a big big wow!! I can't believe that it's going by so quickly. So I'm left with SS, Lit, Geog 1, Chem 1 and Physics 1. I am so NOT excited for the results, even though I thought the papers were all rather ok. But then again. Recieving results are never fun. Two more weeks. 4 days of which there's a paper. And then I can rejoice!!

Then again. I don't really want it to end. Then I'll have to leave the shelter of Mg. Have to start making all those life changing decisions.

Have faith in Him my friend.