anyone know where i can get past years papers.. for every subject. especially maths. i want to do them. ya. and i want them challenging!

yup. haven't really been blogging have i? ya. not much has happened la.. and yes. EXAMS ARE COMING!!!!

yes yes yes. just about one more week and exams. and i know that no one is looking forward to it. maybe looking forward after it. but definately not for exams. hmm. i'm like so worried that i am not prepared la. haiz. EXAMS ARE OH SO STRESSFUL!!

good thing cca stopped for the mean time. cos handbells really take up a lot of my time. but i still love it. guess i can't have the best of both worlds can i? oh and art. i still not sure what i want to do. i better decide by tmr. if not i'll die. and ya. so far i'm doing quite well for maths, science and geog. chinese ok la. history, lit and art and now my worries. home econs is quite stupid. why on earth do we need to know home econs theory. just know how to cook and sew is enough la..

ok. anyway. ya. yesterday. jess, sarah, gerald, ziteng, ewen, cherilyn and vanessa came to my house to study. ya. it was ok la. and ya. i was thinking last night about how lucky i'm really am. ya. i was putting myself into different people's shoe. and i realise. i'm actually really fortunate. ya. i realise that i don't have to work for a living now. i realise that i get a lot of stuff people can only dream of getting. i realise that there's actually people caring and loving me even though i sometimes don't realise it. and most importantly. i realise that i've Jesus. so ya.

there's really no point for me to keep everything good to myself. cos i know that God wants me to share my blessings. so i will. and i guess the first thing i can do is to share the word about God. about how to get their salvation. because. there's really no point in enjoying so much on earth. and after you die. you go to hell. where you'll suffer for eternity. and especially when you can go to heaven and all you need to do is to believe. Believe that Jesus loves you. Believe that Jesus died for you but rose for the dead. Believe that Jesus is your King.

for those out there who are not christians. no i'm not trying to curse you but i'm telling you that Jesus is the only way to heaven and all you need to do is to have him in your heart. and yes. you'll enjoy your life eternally in heaven. don't give away such a chance. grab it. this is like a never ending sale. all you need to do is to ask for it. believe in it. and yes. you'll get it.. i know i may sound like i'm advertising like a salesperson. but i'm serious. this is true. don't let such a chance slip past and only regret it when you don't get to enter heaven's gate.

ya. i shall just leave you people with this thought. do you want to have eternal life or not?

ok. just to clear things up. i didn't go on any date yesterday. i just had lunch with kui luan, cherilyn, gerald and ziteng. in which kui luan treated us all. and no i'm not a flirt. thank you..

ya. just went to trim my hair. and i really don't understand hair stylist. what part of don't layer so much is hard to understand? or i want to keep the length? well. ya.good thing i stopped her in time.. if not i don't know what would happent to my hair.

today's the last day of the holidays. blegh. so sad. wished it was longer. cos i really want to go to bugis. haha. i just love the stuff there. ya. haha. hmm..

oh well. i guess i just have to wait till after exams. ya

today. i spent a lot of time out. and actually by right i can still be out now. but i chose not to. so for all those people interested in my boring life. this is how my day went...

ok. i woke up at around 8.. and ya. after lazying around for a while(i know i just woke up. but i was tired, thus i lazed around), i went to get my stuff to bring to escape theme park. ya. so i grabbed my bag and ran down to the car to catch a ride.(i didn't want to take a mrt.. too long) then my dad drove brendan, ian and my mum to the enviromental building. and then picked vanessa, lousia, selene and cherilyn from acs junior. ya. then he fetched us all the way to escape theme park. ya. (and it's on the way for him. so don't say i'm unreasonable for him to fetch us all the way there)

so the 5 of us went to the kopitam and ate breakfast. the kaya toast and half boiled egg thingy. ya. i didn't eat the egg though. didn't like it. ya. then at around 9.55. we made our way towards the entrance of escape theme park, paid for our tickets. which cost $13.20 cos cherilyn used her POSB card to pay. ya. if not we'll have to pay about $16.50.. ya. then we started playing the rides. lou, se and i sat the flipper 6 times. but not in a row. as in overall. and we rode the indoor rollar coaster, the water log, viking, superman and the bumber boat. ya.

oh. and on our second time lining up for the bumber boat. we saw this gang la. i think their racist. oh and this girl is so idiotic. oh gosh i hate her. and if my vocabularly allowed it. i would have definately called her a female dog. ya.but for those who know me. i really cannot bring myself to swear. (i believe it's wrong) she was so horrible. she picked on this indian boy. and started spraying at the indian boy. so as every normal human being. the boy would want to take revenge and thus he sprayed her back.(oh and btw, the girl was on land. using those water guns that were by the side) ya. and then she got so angry. she started scolding the boy with vulgarities(if i'm not wrong) and ya. got this other girl and 2 other guys to help her la. i mean.. what's her problem??? the boy didn't even do anything to her in the first place but she just has to find some reason to.... AHHHH.. i just don't like her la. good thing she left when it was our turn to play. if not i either won't play. or i would definately wet her. and the big problem with her is that she doesn't want to get wet but yet she stays in range of the water. so IDIOTIC!!

ok anyway. ya. after all our rides and all. we went to the worst BK.. gosh. they don't sell meals, only have the huge cup for drinks and have only 3 types of burgers. so ya. it was pathetic. but nevertheless. we made do and ate what they had. ya. then we went to catch a cab..

ya. the cabby was really nice. we found out he was a christian. cos we were talking about the theater 6 of lido being haunted. and then we got to the topic on our religion when lou asked him what religion was he. ya. and he was real nice la. he kept us entertained by telling us stories. which i don't want to tell. ya. one rather scary and one that is quite weird yet funny. and he was telling us about his sons. ya. haha. oh well. but his ride was real bumpy. and since we all were already so queasy. his ride made it worst. so ya. we got off at isetan and went to see what were the available shows. only to find out that all the shows there started really late. so we walked to cine, and bought tickets for perfect catch..

ya. that show was quite nice la. then after that. we went to find lou's oh so wanted blouse. and after that. looked at slippers, which i did not dare buy in case i got into trouble. and ya. then took neoprints. when i found out that. if i wanted to take dinner with my parents in orchard. i had to wait for an hour. and ya. what am i to do in an hour? i was like broke la. no money to buy stuff that i wanted. so what? ya. then i decided i should just come home. and the bus ride didn't make me feel any better.

it was in the bus that i suddenly felt very lonely. ya. dunno why. it was then i realise that i really enjoy spending time with people. that i didn't really like having the whole house to myself. and it was in the bus that i realise that if i go overseas to study. i'll feel really really sad. cos i'll be so lonely until i settle down. but the problem with me is that i don't dare open up to people i don't know. so ya. i dont think i'm prepared to go overseas anytime soon.

and i haven't studied today yet. and i don't want to regret my marks if i don't score well. but yet i also don't want to study. haiz. and ya i still feel very sian and lonely. blegh. i shall go entertain myself playing all those crappy msn games. haha. ya. still my next post.

i have found inspiration to study when i was doing QT this morning. ya. and it's all from this verse which goes like this..

"All hard work brings a profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty." Proverbs 14:23

ya. so i was thinking. that yupp. to get the score i want. i have to work for it. and not only say it. but actually put it into action. if the bible says this. it should work.. considering the bible is the Basic Information Before Leaving Earth. ya.

haha. nothing else to say. except that i have been rather bored today. and rather sian. and i just don't feel like studying today. but i forced myself to la. but i was really reluctant. and i really dunno why la. yesterday i seemed rather excited that i was working towards my goal. but ya. after doing QT. and studying for a while. i just didn't want to study anymore. but i didn't even study much. haiz. all i want to do is play. and that's what i'm going to do tmr. but dunno why la. i need to get myself in the correct mode for studying. ya

and yes. i've decided that i won't over exert myself. ya. so don't worry.

was just blog hopping just now. ya. and came across one of liwei's post about blogs not being private and that people actually read it. so ya. i agree with him. maybe i should post stuff that could get people to want to know more about Jesus. it's like a way of evangelising la. or that's what i think. ya

anyway. i've decided that i will study. study really hard. cos i really want to go crosslink. and if i don't score well my parents just won't let me go.i really don't understand why they use crosslink la. i feel very pressurized. cos if i don't score well. i dunno when the next time i can go. so i need to study hard. like so so hard that my parents have to beg me to stop. ya. that hard. so hard that i can memorise from top to bottom for every subject. ya. that's what i want. wonder whether it's achievable.. hmmm..

well hope la. ya.

before i start anything. i would like to thank ethel, cherilyn and ziteng for showing concern ya when i was so upset. ya

ok. flashback time. friday nothing much happened. at least nothing exciting la. except that i watch herbie fully reloaded. ya. with my family.. sat i had farewell lunch with handbellers, then i went to mrs ong's father's wake then went to my grandfather's birthday dinner.. and trust me. it was SO SO EMBARRASSING!!! OMG!! my cousins ate like they never ate before. they grabbed everything and played with the food. so YUCK!! i was so embarrassed and they made so so much noise. and we were in a restaurant!! GOSH!!! i was so so embarrassed.

ya. today was ok la. sunday school itself was so boring. ya. then after that had SSS rehearsal. it went better than i expected. ya. then went to ps with jessica for lunch. ya. then went to the doctor only to found out that my cough was actually a virual attack! gosh. stupid la.

and i feel so sian. haiz. ya

are you out to deprive me of everything. is it your wish to see me uphappy? ya i know you allow me to use the phone but what's wrong with me not wishing to study the whole day. anyone could just die. who would want to study the whole day long. and not say i never study at all. you use to encourage me to continue playing the piano when i hated it. now that i find enjoyment. you don't like it when i play. and say that i'm contributing to the noise. is my playing that bad? or do you just not appreciate the type to music i enjoy. and you said that i could bake. why when i bake you complain? in what way have i offended you. i studied before doing all these. i did everything you wanted me to do before doing anything else. so why? why are you scolding me non stop. am i a pain to you? do i irritate you? and what's with you depriving me from crosslink. i find myself learning something there each week. and i really really wanted to finish the topic on why does a good god allow suffering. but if you don't allow me to go? how am i to learn more? sunday school don't seem to be teaching me these stuff. when can i learn these after i miss all these sessions?? just let me go will you and stop making my life so miserable. let me be happy. and ya. i know you have to be strict. but being strict never said anything about you depriving me from the world?

i really had to let that out. i feel so frustrated because of my parents. and ya. feeling quite upset too. and i find that i can't even find time for God. i can't even find a proper time to do QT. not saying i've been doing it in the first place. i just don't feel like doing it sometimes. and ya. sometimes i don't have the time. and ya. i still have homework that i haven't finish. and it's like 10.30 but i still don't feel like doing it.

what's wrong with me? this is not how i want to be. i want to be a responsible person. i want to be someone people look up to. but how can i be that person. when i can't even do simple things. i can't even please my parents. i am definately not pleasing God if i continue like that. and people around me will never take me seriously. how can i be that role model that i want to be? how i can influence people to help me when i don't even sound serious to them?

i really really need to change. for the better. and ya. i really need someone to talk to. but i don't know who to spill my problems to. cos i find that everyone has burdens and ya. listening to them . i feel that if i start sharing all these. they may get annoyed. like how i get sometimes when people complain about stuff that i'm going through too. but i never tell anyone. ya. and there are also times. when people offer to listen but i find myself unable to trust them..

oh.. what should i do? maybe i should, as a christian, ask myself..

W hat
W ould
J esus
D o

GROUNDED!!

yes i'm grounded. and it's all thanks to my progress report. should have studied harder la. haiz. and the worst thing is. i don't even know how i'm grounded. i know for sure i cannot go crosslink until end year exams are over. ya. and my mum said something about not being able to use the phone at home. as in my handphone. but i had my phone with me that whole day yesterday. so i dunno if i'm allowed to talk on it. haiz. and i really don't understand why they ground me like that la. i don't think it'll help me. cos i'll just be so distracted when crosslink starts that i won't be able to concentrate and study. i'll just be stoning and start getting grumpy that i'm unable to go. ya. and how will i be able to study like that. never think one.

and to think that i was actually planning to study to make my parents proud that i will study without them telling me. now if i study. it'll look as if i am just doing so because of my parents. blegh!!! now they'll think that i do stuff just to please them and not for my own good.

ya. but i guess my parents are really doing this for my own good. cos i really really want to get into a science class. triple science if possible. cos i really enjoy maths, science and geog. ya. i want to take at least bio, chem, a and e maths and full geog. ya. so i guess i really really have to study harder to reach my goal. i don't want to end up in a art class. i sure die one. i won't be able to cope at all. ya

hopefully my parents will realise that i would study and slowly lift up my punishment. ya. firstly by letting me use the phone freely again. then by allowing me to go crosslink. ya. i better score well for my next few common test. ya. and i have to study everyday

k. on the lighter note. ya. mrs ong asked me yesterday why i never bake for teachers' day. actually i wanted to. but i didn't have the time. ya. and i'm sort of falling sick cos very heaty. so i dunno if mummy will allow me to bake. ya. and i baked brownies yesterday. but don't think i'll be able to even try my first batch of brownies. haiz. i think i may bring it to church. ya. oh well.. and ya. later i got to go take some photo. i think my dad wants to get a australian PR. ya. so that he can send us there next time for university.. my aunty thinks i should just go there for IB programme. but i don't want to go. cos i won't know anyone there. and like for tee, tng and all those already there. it's like. they're older than me. and xin wei will most probably be too busy. ya. so i don't really want to go there all alone. ya. maybe older not so bad. but definately not now. ya. when that time comes then i worry about it. but for one. it definately won't be so stressful.