Grade 8 Piano Exam

Today is just not my day!

10 years I've been playing the piano. Or at least around there. The point is that I've been playing the piano for a long time. This shows how my life mainly revolves around music.

And so I had my grade 8 exam today. The fact that today is friday the thirteen didn't help in anyway. And this is like how it went. I sat down, awaiting 1057. My heart was beating so loudly that I'm sure people around me could hear it. My whole body was shaking so hard and nervousness overwhelmed me. And yet, I could smile. Why? Because I knew I had put in my 110%. (or so I thought) Finally, my name was called. Nervousness, excitement, anxiousness just overwhelmed me. Slowly I walked towards my exam room. But as I stopped to wait for my examiner, I suddenly felt a rush of fear. And at that point I almost broke down and cried. I was just too nervous. And that's when the whole episode started. So I was supposed to play my scales but my fingers get on slipping off the keys. After that, I was just so discouraged that I couldn't really continue the rest of my scales. My pieces were still ok. Then sight reading. So many different keys. I think like 3 different keys and he gave me so little time to look through. And aural. Not that good.

WHICH IS SO UNFAIR! I can't believe all my hard work just went down the drain. I couldn't help but feel so disappointed in myself. I almost broke down during the exam. After I left the room, all I felt was regret, disappointment. All my hard work just went down like that. True, I may have too high a standard set for myself. But still. I really wanted a distinction and this is the first time I actually worked very hard for it. And now. It just feels so out of reach.

And today marks the last day of my handbells lessons. I'm not going to see Mrs Aw anymore till founder's day. See how sad it is. Piano gone. Handbells gone. Music has always been my passion and I've just lost 2 things that I worked so hard for.

Ok. I cannot be ungrateful. I'm thankful that I had people to listen to my disappointment. Felt good letting it out. Even though I cried each time I shared it. WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME! I'm still rather disappointed in myself. BUT I'VE THE RIGHT TO GRIEF. According to the CME talk I had today which told us that we should grief if not something's wrong. Yeah.

Sigh. Life still goes on. So yeah. I've to go study now.

God please help him. I know you have a big plan for him, but please let him see some sort of light.