i don't know what to do. i need someone to talk to. how the situation will be really really depends on me. i really need help. but yet i cannot tell my problem to just anyone who is willing to listen. only certain can know about this. but what should i do in the mean time. i'm really confused. really troubled by this. i didn't know that the situation was so serious until just now. oh. where is help when you need it?

hmm. going to LTC(leadership training camp) tmr. i was looking forward to it but now i'm just getting really lazy. i know that i really enjoy having leadership roles but it's like. there's so much going on. and i'm really really confused. this is like one of the time in my life where i got to make important decisions. whether i'm ready to make sarcifices. whether i'm ready to give up the stuff that make me happy.

maybe this is all a test. maybe now i'm being tested by God. but i dunno what to do. and what i feel i need most now is someone to listen to my problems. someone to help me make that decision. but i think i'm suppose to make these decisions on my own. maybe just a listening ear would be good. bottling this up is really really hard. but who can i share this problem with. not anyone can. and the reason is really hard to explain. hmmm.. why am i going through all these.

maybe i should just sleep on this. and ask my parents if i can go for youth camp before it's too late. i know they don't like it when i ask them these questions late. but i'm scared they say no. i know myself too well. i won't be able to take no for an answer. i guess. what i really need now is support from friends and yes. people praying for me.

so ya. please pray for me. if you people know me. i never usually ask for such requests. but i'm really desparate. i really need to make the right decision now.