it's going to be sunday in about an hour's time and i'm just not ready. for those who are in sec 2 from fmc you may know what i'm going through now. or those whom i told.

i cannot face reality. i cannot live up to it. i have a lost dream that has contributed to the problems.

but yet i have to thank cher and sarah for listening to me and having faith in me. i know a lot others have the same faith too. but ya. hopefully everything will go well. hopefully i won't show my unhappiness. or rather that my unhappiness would not be so obvious. if i don't get unhappy it'll be even better. ahhhhhhhhh.

how i wish i could just go and sleep and not wake up. but my love for going to church would set the alarm clock off and make my legs move towards the car to church.

ok. i hope my faith in God is strong enough to believe that He knows what's best for me whether i like it or not. *breathing deeply* pray.....

yesterday performance at novena was ok only la. not as good as when we practised. ya. we could have done better la. but oh well. it's over. ya. and i was the only one with so many 'supporters'. but ok. thanks anyway to my family. my grandparents. jessica, jerald, gerald, pho, sarah and ziteng. ya. even though you were so noisy. thanks for coming anyway. ya. sad though. i want to be invited to play again somewhere else. ya.

oh and out of boredom. i was compling pics. and this is one of them ya. hahahahahha. i'm was really really bored.

crazy moments

tis the season to be jolly. falalalalalalalala.. (beat changes to a faster tempo). tis is the dae na numa numa neh. numa numa neh. numa numa numa neh. tis the the day na bright and sunny day. numa numa neh. numa numa numa neh. mai ya he. mai ya ho. mai ya ha. mai ya haha. mai ya he. mai ya ho. mai ya ha. mai ya haha..

i'm high. and i think almost everyone from handbells can vouch for that. hahahahahahah. i'm so so happy today? dunno la.

anyway. this friday i'll be performing at novena square from 1.30 to 2.30. so come and support my choir and i k. :D

lalalalallalalalalalallalalala

yesterday.. my first official handbells performance in the performing group. and it was actually quite fun..

ya. started off the day by going to kap for a really early lunch. the whole handbell choir, except for cherie, lynette and krystal, met there for lunch. we were suppose to be there at 10.30 but i was 10 min late. i felt to pai seh until i found out that sandra was later than me. ya. haha. so technically i wasn't really late. ya. then we all waited until 11 plus when they changed the menu to the lunch menu. so sandra decided to let us take our time to eat and start practise half an hour later. so cherie, krystal and lynette and to wait. .haha. we went to cold storage after lunch and bought our 'survival kit'. haha. ya. we bought a lot of sweets and tidbits. then we walked back to school.

we had practise then. we practised till around 3? yeah. then we polished the bells. first time polishing. and i didn't know that the bells were actually sliver. ya. we had to polish fast cos the bus was suppose to pick us up at 3.30. so we all just grabbed the bells in front of us and polished. F3 was the hardest to polish. petty and i had to polish it like siao before it was finally shiny. ya. we then grabbed the costumes we chose and all the necessary stuff. and the bells. tables, mattresses, mallots and skirting. ya. then boarded the bus and off we went..

in the bus sandra gave us a lollipop each. then we ate it all the way. then when we were about to reach we discoverd the lollipop was nowhere near done. so sandra was like bite bite bite. so most of us were forced to bite the lollipop and my mouth was feeling to sweet. haha. and we entered the ball room where we were going to perform. the stage was so small. we had to cut down one table. but because we had tables and all to set up. we were the last to rehearse. ya. the modeling thing was so weird. so not professional. ya.

then we had dinner after the rehearsal. we were told that we tend to open our mouths when we played so were reminded to keep them close. ya. behind the scene was so not glam. so unlike the outside. ya. we weren't given much priority. ya. so pathetic. dinner was in the cafe which served us food as if we were prisoners. ya. we had that tray thing. ya. then we changed into our costumes put on make up and then i was chased around because i didnt want to take photos. i really don't like being in photos. oh and a big hint to people out there.. never wear white gloves with court shoes when you are in a malay traditional costume. you'll look very weird. ya. so that was us.

so after quite a while. we were finally told to take our place and get ready to perform. so when we were called up. i noticed that hardly anyone was looking at us. so insulting la. then only for the first song--burong kakak tua, did people look at us. then after that they continued eating. except for some. ya. the birds in burong kakak tua all died. haha. priscilla's, jin hui's and rui jun's. haha. all the dead birds. haha. then the spot lights were all in our faces but the people in charge were so annoying to tell us. too bad. then how on earth do you want us to see mrs aw. but we did anyway. had to look at her some how right. then half way there was like smoke being sprayed. is that proper use of words. er. anyway. ya. so one thing is that never perform for a dinner with irritaing people in charge. cos hardly anyone looks at you. and there are many weird effects. ya

then we had to clear the bells. the tables and all the stuff that belonged to us that was on the stage right after all the songs. and yes. we did it. we actually managed to play when you with upon a star without any mistakes. YES!!

after that we all went back to school. placed everything back in the room and all. and i finally find myself talking to everyone in the choir. something i wanted myself to do. and not keep so quiet. ya. i shall give myself a pat on my back.. haha.

and i'm in 3i. ya. not the same as cher. so sad. i know cher is sad too. we wanted to be in the same class. cher don't worry. i'll come look for you everytime i can. besides i'll still see you in church. ya. i'm sort of lucky la. cos i have friends in my class. but ya. cher has people whom we don't' like. at least i don't like. ya.

ya. have to go off soon. having meeting with my fellow f13 in school later. sec one camp planning..

oh ya. this is to those sec 2 who go to fmc. please tell me the dates that you are free, as in those days that you can go out. and let me know by email or sms. don't ask why. for those who know why. please don't tell the whole world in case we can't do it. ya. thanks.

oh and i really love this song. testify to love. ya. here are the lyrics. i think it's a really meaningful song. and it's a song that i want to live up to. ya

Testify to love
All the colors of the rainbow,
All the voices of the wind
Every dream that reaches out,
That reaches out to find where love began,
Every word of every story,
Every star in every sky
Every corner of creation, lives to testify

For as long as I shall live,
I will testify to love
I'll be a witness to the silences,
When words are not enough
And with every breath I take,
I will give thanks to God above
For as long as I shall live, I will testify to love

From the mountains to the valleys,
From the rivers to the sea
Every Hand that reaches out,
Every hand that reaches out to offer peace
Every simple act of mercy,
Every step the kingdom come
Every hope in every heart will, speak what love has done

For as long as I shall live,
I will testify to love
I'll be a witness to the silences,
When words are not enough
And with every breath I take,
I will give thanks to God above
For as long as I shall live, I will testify to love

ok. just came home from LTC. pho is in my place now. in my room playing my keyboard. ya.

ltc was really good. the first day. we were taught on how to identify how personality type. for those who know their personality type. i'm a I-S.. ya. high I. and we were also told that we had to be bold as a leader. ya. we had a lot of games. before dinner was the team building games. ya. i must say that our team started to bond then. then after dinner. we had night games. oh and by the way. my team members were. eunice, joelle, vera, lisa, chen yang, rachel tang ying, jillian, faith, chui ting, ya ting, joyce, amanda and i. ya. and to tell you the truth. i hardly knew anyone. so ya. one of my jobs was to first get to know them better. and our performance must have impressed them. thus we were chosen by the teachers (during their meeting. but we weren't told till after the amazing race) that we were to do the sec 1 orientation camp next year. the hardest project for the first half of the year. so cool right.

ya. the second day. we had the same coach to come down and she taught us on project management. which i thought was quite good. because it taught us how to handle projects in a way that it will run smoothly. ya. and i wanted to plan certain events. so i thought that was quite good. ya. then we had the 'very amazing race'.. we were like running from bugis area. to the suntec area. and up and down. then we went to orchard too. ya. it was really exhausting. but from that i think i learnt that working in a group was really really important. ya.

and today we just had to finish our proposal for each project each group was assigned to. ya. then we presented. cleared up. had a really long debrief and GO HOME!

i haven't been sleeping well. i'm so so tired. but i still have tuition later. my very last one in busy bees. ya. next year not going there anymore.

tmr i'm having my first official HANDBELLS performance. because the my first two performances were with chimes. so ya. practise is going to start so early. around 11.30. but i'm going to kap to meet tiff and priscilla. ya. so go there like around 10. and i'll reach school at around 9.45 at night. so i'll be home around 10. more than half a day out. wow. i'm going to be so tired. and the day after tomorrow. i have a meeting with my ltc group. we are called fantastic 13 by the way. all the groups were given superhero names. i shall not say what they are. cos they can be quite embarrassing. ya

actually i will be very busy from tmr till the end of the month. so ya. hopefully dec will be a bit more slack. oh. i better pray i don't fall sick. i don't want to spend my holidays sick. blegh. shall go entertain myself. and clean my gloves.

i don't know what to do. i need someone to talk to. how the situation will be really really depends on me. i really need help. but yet i cannot tell my problem to just anyone who is willing to listen. only certain can know about this. but what should i do in the mean time. i'm really confused. really troubled by this. i didn't know that the situation was so serious until just now. oh. where is help when you need it?

hmm. going to LTC(leadership training camp) tmr. i was looking forward to it but now i'm just getting really lazy. i know that i really enjoy having leadership roles but it's like. there's so much going on. and i'm really really confused. this is like one of the time in my life where i got to make important decisions. whether i'm ready to make sarcifices. whether i'm ready to give up the stuff that make me happy.

maybe this is all a test. maybe now i'm being tested by God. but i dunno what to do. and what i feel i need most now is someone to listen to my problems. someone to help me make that decision. but i think i'm suppose to make these decisions on my own. maybe just a listening ear would be good. bottling this up is really really hard. but who can i share this problem with. not anyone can. and the reason is really hard to explain. hmmm.. why am i going through all these.

maybe i should just sleep on this. and ask my parents if i can go for youth camp before it's too late. i know they don't like it when i ask them these questions late. but i'm scared they say no. i know myself too well. i won't be able to take no for an answer. i guess. what i really need now is support from friends and yes. people praying for me.

so ya. please pray for me. if you people know me. i never usually ask for such requests. but i'm really desparate. i really need to make the right decision now.

hey everyone! i'm back from china, fuzhou luoyuan.. yup. and it was so so so fun!! i learnt a lot and really really enjoyed myself a lot. i believe i'm speaking for everyone if i say that it doesnt feel like a mission trip at all. but a holiday instead.. yes.

ya. on monday. a group of us flew to fuzhou. ya. that group consisted of aunty mui ing, uncle soon boon, kui luan, my father, cheryl, kim, estelle, jessica, sarah, ziteng, pho, rachel, gloria, delicia and i. ya. the plane ride there wasn't a really pleasant one. there was a lot of turbulance. but i was lucky. i didn't feel as much pain as i thought i would. in fact. i didn't feel any pain at all. yeah. i sat with jess and delicia. ya. (oh ya..cheryl, kim and estelle were in a grp. jess and sarah in another. ziteng pho and rachel in one. and gloria, delicia and i in one. ya. my grp called ourselves the millionaires. cos i have a million laughters, gloria has a million voices and delicia has a million faces. you can ask us to imitate anyone and we'll try our best to do it. and our motto is 'united we stand and together we sit' haha.) anyway. ya. when we reached fuzhou. we split into our groups and pretended not to know the other groups because china is a communist country and ya. we are not suppose to say we are on a mission trip. and a big group attracts a lot of attention. so ya. we split. and that was the only day that was cold. ya. we all gathered outside the airport and ya. met aunty li diang and aunty eunice and then boarded a bus. btw, aunty li diang and aunty eunice are english teachers teaching in first light centre. and also our 'tour guides'. yeah.. we reached the centre in like 2 hours? then we had the nicest FOOCHOW FISHBALLS and DUMBLINGS!!! oh. they were so nice. and the soup too. ya. then we rested for a while and had english lessons at night. ya. i never thought we would be so impactful that from a one day thing. aunty li diang asked us to have english lessons for 2 more nights. ya. gloria liked this guy called david. pho and kim fell in love with jerry. and i must admit. he's a really nice guy with a very good personality.

tuesday. most of us woke up around 6 cos of the noise. ya. people in china wake up around 4 to go to the market. and they horned and horned and horned. yes. it was super irritating. and sometimes they horn for no reason. we visited a jc. the people there kept on staring at us. so weird. and freaky. ya. so not fun la. and went mountain climbing. the view was really really nice. the mountains around us were so beautiful. ya. after lunch we painted a bass coat for the walls. and ya. most of us got super yellow. and at night we had english lessons again. ya. more people came. ya. we all felt so happy. cos ya. most of them don't have a membership at this centre. but they came and really enjoyed the lesson. and yes. brought friends along.

wedensday. we painted the whole day away. ya. half way ziteng went with aunty li diang to the airport to fetch uncle kai eng, aunty shirley, hui li and amanda. ya. when the second group arrived. we were almost done. we were cleaning up and doing the final touching up. and at night we had our last english lessons. ya. it was so sad. cos all of us really enjoyed spending time with the china teens. ya. they were really nice people.

thursday. we went to the village. ya. we visited the school there. we sat though a lesson. their lessons there are so different then those in singapore. they were learning about memory in the class i sat in. that's like something you won't learn in singapore la. so it was a different experience. then after that. we went to the church in the village. ya. they served us so much food. actually everyday we get a lot of food. ya. then we taught the christian children there english. ya. and i must say. they all learn really fast. all the children there learn fast. including those teens from the centre. ya.

friday. we went shopping the whole day. ya. and the millionaires sat next to pickpockets. good thing aunty eunice was there. she told us to move away. then we discovered that pickpockets were actually all around us. ya.

saturday. we practised for the mime and all. ya. for the whole morning. then we shopped the whole afternoon away. at night we went to the church. we sang my redeemer lives.and the song which goes 'al la la la la la le lu ia' ya. then we were suppose to do the mime. but then my dad forgot to bring the cd. so he rushed back with eunice. ya. i was so scared something would happen to him. ya. then hui li took over and gave her testimony first. and aunty mui ing shared.. and by then my father made it back. ya. so ya. God was good. he made things possible. the mime went well. from what i heard. ziteng forgot to build the mountains and the valleys. he was 'god' and the rest of us were like facing back. so ya. i shall not go into it anymore. cos of somethings people shouldn't know. but overall. it went really really well

sunday. our last day. we spent the morning in a church. touring the church actually. ya. the young kids there were so so cute. and ya. they really sang. something i somehow cannot find intermediate department doing. then we shopped for a while more before going to eat in a restaurant. ya. then we went back to the centre. did our final packing. did a little bit more shopping. then we grabbed our bags. with the help of some of the really nice teens. like the guys who like kim and jerry. ya. we placed all the bags in the bus and went to the airport. the ride was bad. but nevertheless. i made it back. haha

ok. that's like what happened each day. ya. i learned more about the troop. which was something i couldn't do in singapore. ya. i also learned how blessed. i found out that many were too poor that their grandparents and parents had to beg to see them through their education. i was so blessed to be able to have a change of clothes everyday while many had to wear the same clothes for a few days. i was so blessed to stay in singapore which has a really good flushing system. (for those who went there you know what i mean). i felt so touched when i saw people helping each another. i felt so touch when i heard of the help aunty li diang provided for the three girls whom she is housing. the story behind each was really good. i understood that God really has a plan for all of us. like how he directed aunty li diang to luoyuan by the means of friends. how He directed the FMC teens to luoyuan when it was initially suppose to be cambodia. how because of that. we managed to have an impact on some teens. that were non christian. and ya. they wanted to follow us to church. ya. actually they came because of kim. but out of them all. one of them asked about God. so ya. hopefully he will find his salvation.

so like what aunty shirley said. we should all pray for those in china. so that one day. somehow or rather. they will want to know more about christ. and yes. find their salvation. ya..

this is what i've learnt about everyone.

the sec 3s-- really sociable. ya. very fun to talk to. and they are really enthu.

rachel-- not as quiet as she looks. she actually talked non stop. haha. the millionaires were suaning her like crazy

jess and sarah and pho-- about the same as they were in singapore

the millionaires-- haha. we rock!!

ya. i'll continue about this another time. now i'm going to socialise with people.