are you out to deprive me of everything. is it your wish to see me uphappy? ya i know you allow me to use the phone but what's wrong with me not wishing to study the whole day. anyone could just die. who would want to study the whole day long. and not say i never study at all. you use to encourage me to continue playing the piano when i hated it. now that i find enjoyment. you don't like it when i play. and say that i'm contributing to the noise. is my playing that bad? or do you just not appreciate the type to music i enjoy. and you said that i could bake. why when i bake you complain? in what way have i offended you. i studied before doing all these. i did everything you wanted me to do before doing anything else. so why? why are you scolding me non stop. am i a pain to you? do i irritate you? and what's with you depriving me from crosslink. i find myself learning something there each week. and i really really wanted to finish the topic on why does a good god allow suffering. but if you don't allow me to go? how am i to learn more? sunday school don't seem to be teaching me these stuff. when can i learn these after i miss all these sessions?? just let me go will you and stop making my life so miserable. let me be happy. and ya. i know you have to be strict. but being strict never said anything about you depriving me from the world?

i really had to let that out. i feel so frustrated because of my parents. and ya. feeling quite upset too. and i find that i can't even find time for God. i can't even find a proper time to do QT. not saying i've been doing it in the first place. i just don't feel like doing it sometimes. and ya. sometimes i don't have the time. and ya. i still have homework that i haven't finish. and it's like 10.30 but i still don't feel like doing it.

what's wrong with me? this is not how i want to be. i want to be a responsible person. i want to be someone people look up to. but how can i be that person. when i can't even do simple things. i can't even please my parents. i am definately not pleasing God if i continue like that. and people around me will never take me seriously. how can i be that role model that i want to be? how i can influence people to help me when i don't even sound serious to them?

i really really need to change. for the better. and ya. i really need someone to talk to. but i don't know who to spill my problems to. cos i find that everyone has burdens and ya. listening to them . i feel that if i start sharing all these. they may get annoyed. like how i get sometimes when people complain about stuff that i'm going through too. but i never tell anyone. ya. and there are also times. when people offer to listen but i find myself unable to trust them..

oh.. what should i do? maybe i should, as a christian, ask myself..

W hat
W ould
J esus
D o