Wednesday, May 02, 2012

Learning to Hope

Photo by Karen (:

2012 has just been.. hard.  Maybe hard isn't the right word, maybe more of challenging.  There is just so many things going on that I don't know where or how to begin.  Perhaps that's not really the point.  I don't think I actually need to rant about what's happening in my life.  Or maybe I do, just that, I'm not in the mood to now.

I think I just came here as a way to escape reality for a little while. 

This picture makes me happy and so I have to share it.  I like family photos, even though we don't take many of them.  It reminds me of simpler days.  Sometimes I feel like I act like some old grandma who sits on her rocking chair, knitting, while thinking back on the good ol' days.  Only thing is, I'm not that old.

I think in 2012, with the whole growing up,  taking on more responsibilities, and even postgrad, it's just so different from previous years, that it's hard.  And within a week, another round of change is going to take place that is going to be emotionally tough as well.  Somehow, everything seems to just keep coming.

In my attempt to better understand what's happening to me, for the past few weeks, I've been visualising this girl who keeps falling as she runs, who keeps getting bruised and I just see energy draining.  And I wonder how long more before I just give up, or how long more before I am unable to pick myself up again.

Don't get me wrong, it's not that I hate this year or not that I hate my course or my ministry, it's just that life is, hard (because there's really no other appropriate words at the moment).  I still find joy in uni, in ministry, in the things I do, but maybe I'm just really tired or I just miss the simpler days.  Maybe I'm just lacking motivation, lacking the drive.  Maybe my eyes are not focused on the bigger picture.

And so I think I'm learning how to make Romans 5:3-5 + Isaiah 40:38-31 my reality and how to hope in the Lord.  How to take each step in Him and learning how to trust that He is in control of everything.

Now that I'm contented with escaping reality, time to face the music and finish my assignments.

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