Till next time

I think if you'd let me, I would have so many stories to share, so many tales to tell.  It's been a wonderful five years and it still amazes me how so many stories, so many testimonies are still so fresh in my mind.  Earlier today, I shocked myself at the ability to remember details of so many incidents over the years.  Furthermore, I never expected the whole "love your minions" advice to make leaving so much harder.  Still, all great things must come to an end.  I really couldn't have asked for a better ending to this chapter; fantastic that I got to finish it with the craziest, loveliest bunch of people, who are leaving with me so many precious memories.  Each amazing and inspiring in their own ways, and collectively the most encouraging group of people, always ready to spur each other on.

xoxo

Thank You Lord, for everything.

Second half of 2012

You know that words are somewhat inappropriate/redundant when you keep typing and then clicking backspace to restart and rephrase; you find that while staring at that picture, it somehow describes exactly how you feel, and clearly explains your circumstance, yet you're probably the only one who gets it and everyone is just left clueless.  But maybe that's okay, for now.

Heart Knowledge

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well. - Psalm 139:14

Making this head knowledge, heart knowledge

Winter Break

I've never been so grateful for the holidays and I didn't realise how much I really needed it.  And it's really the little things that make a difference.  Tiny things like blowing bubbles in my room, clearing my to-do lists, sleeping in on days I don't have work - I realise how I really took that for granted especially since I had free days in my undergrad year.  And after a semester of waking up to the horrid sound the alarm makes, it felt so good to be able to sleep in until my body was rested enough.  Even things like an organised room - because when doing my lit review, I had notes all over my table and organisation was the last thing on my mind.  The weather even seems to be celebrating with me with the sun shining into my room as I type this.

This is only the 3rd day of my winter break but I think it's already one of my favourite ones and only one more week to go before uni opens again (me thinks?). But yay, I'm really very grateful for every single minute (:

Change

You just know it, you know, when it's time for certain changes to happen.  Maybe it comes with 'maturity', or maybe it's just like something clicking in your mind and you just know it.  But whatever it is, I think it's nice; nice because there's peace that comes along with that inevitable change; nice because it doesn't come as a shock and you get to slowly ease into it.

It's currently 16 June 2012; amazing how time has just flown by, amazing how so much has happened and totally amusing how I'm 21 years and 11 days old and I'm talking like some old grandma who has lived a hundred years.  Haha.

But ya.  For some reason I'm quite excited for changes to happen and then there's the other part of me that is singing really loudly "CALIFORNIAAAAAAAA, HERE WE I COMEEEEEE" hahahahaha.

Going to War

1When you go to war against your enemies and see horses and chariots and an army greater than yours, do not be afraid of them, because the Lord your God, who brought you up out of Egypt, will be with you. ² When you are about to go into battle, the priest shall come forward and address the army. ³ He shall say: “Hear, Israel: Today you are going into battle against your enemies. Do not be fainthearted or afraid; do not panic or be terrified by them.⁴ For the Lord your God is the one who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies to give you victory. ”  

Deuteronomy 20:1-4

Today in QT, I was reminded that I shouldn't be walking around, well, defeated.  That I cannot go into 'battle' (aka exams amongst other things) thinking 'oh but I'm not really that smart' or 'but I can't do that' and in the process limiting what God can do in me and through me.  And I think that's really a 'problem' with me.

But God has really been amazing and super gracious; blessing me with grades and other things that I really don't think I deserve - proof of His strength in my weakness.  So, you know, because I serve an awesome, powerful God, I'm going to (learn to) walk about with my head held high knowing that battles have already been won for me, with the assurance that things will be more than just okay.

Life is good because God is good.

Special Dates

Give it a week and it'll seem like a start of the end of a particularly special chapter.  It's starting to feel so bittersweet and it's going to be so hard to let go, yet I know I have to, just to see it grow.  For now, I'm starting to feel a bit clueless as to what my next few steps will be, but I guess I don't have to know them now to trust that God has everything in control and that the next few chapters will be as precious as the previous few.

Goodbye Autumn

The last day of autumn, final day of the season with the next one beginning tomorrow.  Somehow it seems like a huge thing.  It's not the same feeling when it's the end of the week, or month.  End of the season just seems, huge; overwhelming.

Somehow, this end just makes me feel old, makes me feel like there's more responsibilities to be taken up, makes me feel that maybe it's time to grow up.  Maybe it's due to the fact that it's June and soon I'm going to be a year older.  Or maybe because coincidently it's the end of the semester for me as well.  Or maybe it's the realisation that if the middle of the year can come so quickly, in a blink of the eye the year will soon draw to an end - more decisions to be made, more responsibilities to take up, more of everything.

Yet, in the midst of this chaos, it's such a blessing to be able to find joy in the tiniest things; lovely weather; simple stats test; the ability to sing and almost dance to (in the middle of the street) Backstreet Boys and Westlife; the cool crisp suburban air; the quiet streets; the satin night sky filled with tiny diamonds...

So maybe this is the perfect way to end this season - oh I'm going to miss stepping on all the fallen leaves - and great way to start the next.

Goodbye Autumn.

All encompassing

It's just one of those days that you come home and you just feel that overwhelming sense of love.  For that, I thank You.

The word "stress" doesn't even begin to describe it

It's that time again, where I feel like I'm suffocating and I feel my heart rate increasing at such an exponential rate, that I'm a little shocked that it hasn't managed to burst out from behind my ribs and soar through the air.  And I'm here because I feel if I don't let all these out, I MAY ACTUALLY DIE! Cue exaggeration.

And shamefully enough, it's through all these that I'm starting to be aware of my lack of faith, in a lot of things. And it's not good. duh.  But I don't know.  I feel I'm at the point of my life where everything is happening so fast and I don't know how to keep track of them all and I DON'T KNOW HOW TO HANDLE ALL THESE.  And as if all these aren't bad enough, I hear this little whisper in my mind going "ohh but this is training you to be a mum."  That's kinda scary, because does it mean I'll face nonsense like this on a more regular basis?  How scary will that be, seriously.

I'm rambling.  Time to like, tumble around or something until I calm down.  Stress, you make me extra strange..  I think I deserve a psychologist visit now.  Haha.