Dreamers + Realists

There are dreamers and there are realists in this world. You'd think the dreamers would find the dreamers and the realists would find the realists but more often than not, the opposite is true. You see, the dreamers need the realists to keep them from soaring too close to the sun and the realists, well, without the dreamers, they might never get off the ground.

Modern Family

Great Cloud of Witnesses

The (for lack of a better expression) circle of life is interesting, don't you agree? How at whatever stage of your life you're in, you're able to look back and see how you've grown, how much you've changed. How you can look at people younger than you and see them going through the same struggles you once wrestled with. But the same way you've been refined through those tough times, you know you've to let them go through these pains to come out a stronger, better person.

It makes me understand better the relevance of the Bible, the relevance of listening to other people's testimonies, etc. It's like Hebrews 12:1a, "Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses..." or even the song Find Us Faithful where the line goes "oh may all who've gone before us find us faithful..." It's fascinating to me because in my mind, it's like the picture of life is becoming clearer bit by bit, or like how I'm slowly untangling the big mess that is life (however you want to picture it).

It amuses me even more so because just as so many have been such great witnesses in my life, I start to wonder when is it my turn to be a witness to someone else, or if I have already started doing so without (consciously) knowing. I always picture cheerleaders, standing by the side of the road cheering on the runners (of life) and getting all excited each time they reach a checkpoint, a milestone. And then my mind starts to get a little confused because I'll try to figure out how it'll work outside the space/time continuum where I'm a 'cheerleader' yet a runner at the same time. Like do you run+cheer at the same time or are the paths parallel so you can see the people of higher/lower levels? But I digress.

And for future reference (for myself): If others can go through tough times or get through disappointments and still praise the Lord, so can I. If Job is able to praise God despite all that happened to him, I can learn to be that way too. It scares me because I've seen people 'give up on faith' or get all angry and whatnot, just because they did not get to 'follow their dreams' or 'get what they want'. Because I may find myself in a similar situation in a few months' time, I want all the reminder I can get - that God is faithful and that He knows what is BEST for me. And I guess there is no better time than now to start refining my heart and my mind. And one day, I'll not only be able to look back and see how I was refined through all these, but I'll be able to encourage someone else who will/may go through this as well. How exciting! Haha.

Come what may, I want to choose to praise Him all the days of my life.

Closing this chapter, soon.

I never felt so apprehensive about ending exams, but yet this time is different; the end of exams marks my first step into the unknown. The future seems daunting only because I do know what is going to happen. It's not like the end of previous major exams where I knew I would just continue studying. This time, it feels like the next few steps I'll have to take is going to be in pitch black darkness and all I know is that I have to keep walking till my future becomes a little more apparent.

4th year psych or work.

It's two worlds apart. And at this very moment, I know that by my own strength, I'm not going to be able to make it to 4th year psych, which scares me even more. On the other hand, it's challenging me to place all my trust in God's hands and let Him lead me to where He wants me to be. Which, if I think about it, it's supposed to be the better deal because then I'll go where He wants me to go. Yet, I can't help but worry.

Furthermore, I feel God challenging me and asking me that even if I do not get what my heart desires, am I able to be like Job and say "The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised" (Job 1:21b). And really, I don't know. I don't know how I'd react, I don't know if I'll allow the "worse" circumstance get the better of me or not.

And so, maybe this holidays will just be working out God's plans for my life, till things become a bit more apparent. Maybe this will be the (short summer) season of me learning more and more how to trust His will for my life and being able to rejoice no matter the circumstance. Nevertheless, I would greatly appreciate prayers. Though part of me wishes to get into 4th year psych, maybe the more important prayer for me is that I'll go wherever He wants me to go, and that I'll do it with a cheerful heart.

One more paper; it's make it or break it. Oh the self-induced stress..

Bye bye birdies

(Source)

Because I'm too tired to keep holding on; so I'm releasing the birds of my life back into the hands of the Creator, trusting that they will be looked after and cared for. So bye bye.

meh

So what do you do when you reach something like this?

Source

You would think that with just two more exam papers away from completing my undergraduate studies, that by now I would have a more or less definite plan with what I want to do with my life - of what job I want to pursue, etc. But nope. I'm far from that. At the moment, the future just seems so daunting to me, mainly because it's filled with so much uncertainty. It doesn't help that I'm so clueless with what I want/need to do with my life. And it scares me that this is my potentially last year as a student, ever.

All this stress/worries are piling up. It's like how during the movies as it's about the reach the climax of the story, with the background music getting more and more intense, your heart racing as they are about to reveal this huge mystery...

And then my mind makes the most anticlimax remark ever: meh. Only because I not only don't want to deal with all these, but I don't know how to.

So yes, for now, meh.

3:16am

It's 3:16am and I just reached home 6 mins ago. I drove back in the thickest craziest fog, but the fog only descended after I got off the freeway, super thank God for that. I was super alert the whole time, which is cool cos usually I would be super sleepy driving home so late at night. And I really love love love my dad who stayed up just to make sure I came home safely and though part of him was a little frustrated, you can tell it's out of love and concern for me, and also keeping me in check. Somehow that just seemed like exciting news to share. Haha.

And now, time to sleep. (:

It finally feels like spring

And yet, the weather forecast shows that it'll be raining the next few days, and then it'll feel like winter all over again. Such is Melbourne's weather. But I quite like that Melbourne's weather is that weird actually. And in other news, about 36 more days till the end of my undergraduate studies+exams, HOW FAST IS THAT?! Soon I'll be a graduate and hopefully be able to do postgrad.. And because all these feel so overwhelming, I'm going back to the books. 36 more days... wow.

Transitions

Transitions in life are usually marked by major events - birthdays, graduations, weddings. But the greater transitions often come out of smaller moments; when we stop and look at who we are. Because each time we time we see how far we've come, we also see how far we still have to go.

Gossip Girl

(:

It has been 2 years since we first served together as a team and I love the memories that we've been forming together ever since. <3 you guys. I kinda miss those days - somehow things just seem so much simpler.

p.s. that mis-shapened claw was Daniel's way of doing "2009". Hahaha!!

Oh to be a child again

This is me, getting bored of my assignment, and so I decided to procrastinate. And the truth is, I JUST WANT TO PLAY!! And I want to be able to enjoy my spring break, even if it means just one whole day of doing nothing before I start catching up on work. I have about 49 more hours to submit in this paper, so I just have to endure a little while more..

So back to writing the dialogue that makes me feel like I'm one of the rare cases with Multiple Personality Disorder. I feel like I am communicating with my various personalities, asking them on their views on "the self in the 21st century as a commodity", like seriously, who cares about that... But yes. I shall learn to love it and do well in it because I want to be able to do honours. And note to self, never take such weird subjects as electives ever again.