meh

So what do you do when you reach something like this?

Source

You would think that with just two more exam papers away from completing my undergraduate studies, that by now I would have a more or less definite plan with what I want to do with my life - of what job I want to pursue, etc. But nope. I'm far from that. At the moment, the future just seems so daunting to me, mainly because it's filled with so much uncertainty. It doesn't help that I'm so clueless with what I want/need to do with my life. And it scares me that this is my potentially last year as a student, ever.

All this stress/worries are piling up. It's like how during the movies as it's about the reach the climax of the story, with the background music getting more and more intense, your heart racing as they are about to reveal this huge mystery...

And then my mind makes the most anticlimax remark ever: meh. Only because I not only don't want to deal with all these, but I don't know how to.

So yes, for now, meh.

3:16am

It's 3:16am and I just reached home 6 mins ago. I drove back in the thickest craziest fog, but the fog only descended after I got off the freeway, super thank God for that. I was super alert the whole time, which is cool cos usually I would be super sleepy driving home so late at night. And I really love love love my dad who stayed up just to make sure I came home safely and though part of him was a little frustrated, you can tell it's out of love and concern for me, and also keeping me in check. Somehow that just seemed like exciting news to share. Haha.

And now, time to sleep. (:

It finally feels like spring

And yet, the weather forecast shows that it'll be raining the next few days, and then it'll feel like winter all over again. Such is Melbourne's weather. But I quite like that Melbourne's weather is that weird actually. And in other news, about 36 more days till the end of my undergraduate studies+exams, HOW FAST IS THAT?! Soon I'll be a graduate and hopefully be able to do postgrad.. And because all these feel so overwhelming, I'm going back to the books. 36 more days... wow.

Transitions

Transitions in life are usually marked by major events - birthdays, graduations, weddings. But the greater transitions often come out of smaller moments; when we stop and look at who we are. Because each time we time we see how far we've come, we also see how far we still have to go.

Gossip Girl

(:

It has been 2 years since we first served together as a team and I love the memories that we've been forming together ever since. <3 you guys. I kinda miss those days - somehow things just seem so much simpler.

p.s. that mis-shapened claw was Daniel's way of doing "2009". Hahaha!!

Oh to be a child again

This is me, getting bored of my assignment, and so I decided to procrastinate. And the truth is, I JUST WANT TO PLAY!! And I want to be able to enjoy my spring break, even if it means just one whole day of doing nothing before I start catching up on work. I have about 49 more hours to submit in this paper, so I just have to endure a little while more..

So back to writing the dialogue that makes me feel like I'm one of the rare cases with Multiple Personality Disorder. I feel like I am communicating with my various personalities, asking them on their views on "the self in the 21st century as a commodity", like seriously, who cares about that... But yes. I shall learn to love it and do well in it because I want to be able to do honours. And note to self, never take such weird subjects as electives ever again.

Suddenly, I see the importance

²⁴ And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, ²⁵ not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.

Hebrews 10:24-25

soo..

This assignment is not doing my ego any good. The task is already so challenging, I take a million years to understand the readings/research and it's worth 60%. It doesn't help that I don't really understand what's happening in class, so I can't like crap my way out of it.

And the best thing is - instead of sitting there and attempting to read more/understand the whole thing better, I'm over here, escaping the assignment by procrastinating. Kill me now.

It's something about LTC

3 years ago, in 2008, I sat there and was so filled with fear that God would forget me. I remember pleading with God not to forget me and to have something for me. He did not fail.

My life is a testimony of God's faithfulness and goodness. Today, when I look back and think about that day, I realised how silly I was. Because, of course, God wouldn't forget me. Because, of course, He loves me. And yet that silly me was so scared that I would be the only one left out, the only one who would go home wondering if I was forsaken.

Looking back and listening to that recording time and time again, just shows me how far God has brought me and there's excitement in that because it gives that anticipation and excitement to expect even greater things from Him from this moment onwards.

So this wraps up one of many thoughts that have been running through my mind over one of the most amazing weekend and <3<3 (: (: to the most amazing, awesome God ever.

Hmm

You know that feeling, when you suddenly think "oh crap, what if I made a wrong decision to __" and now you just have to live with it and hope for the better.

So because I'm constantly afraid that I've made the wrong decision, or rather, constantly doubting if this was the right move - I'm going to commit it to You and trust that through this, You'll teach me something and once again carry me through.