I miss you guys badly!

How I wish I could just go back in time and re-live the memorises once again. It's always like this. The minute everything is taken away from you, you just wish you have cherised it more when it was still around. How can I ever learn not to take things for granted. Everything and anything, how can I learn to appreciate what I have?

I just can't seem to let go, or rather I just don't want to let go. I know by this time I should start to move on but the memories are just keeping me from doing so. All the time that was spent together has made such a huge impact on my life. But it just ended just like that.

But I've decided. That since there is no way to live in the past, the only way to allow me to remember all of you, is to impact others the way you impacted my life.

However this doesn't mean I'll ever forget all of you. I hope the same goes for all of you. For this is one of those times when it come to the stage where I love you all so much to let you all go. Things will never be the same again...

I feel like a cry baby. I can cry over such issues like anytime. And to top that off, I just have so much on my mind. Sometimes I just wish someone would just listen to all my problems and never bring it up again. But hey, who ever wants to listen to such stuff..

monica's hotline

Everytime I have an 'intellectual' topic I want to post on, I always get really excited cos it won't be a post on my everyday life and my feelings. But everytime I start blogging, I suddenly have no inspiration to do my 'intellectual' topic, and I would once again be posting on my everyday life and yes, my feelings.. so here goes..

I was reading a few blogs just now. And yeah. People all around me seem to be like having problems or have something troubling them. Sad isn't it. But that's not all. Somehow or rather, each of those people have at least one person standing up for them. Defending them. So it got me thinking. Here I have friends who are upset and facing problems. What can I do? Besides lending a listening ear, is there nothing else I can do? What if they don't want to share their problems? Then what can I do? Would my very presence be comforting to that person, knowing that at least there is someone there?

You know it's really weird. Because I know that when I'm upset, I just want someone to be there to listen to me complain and just be patient as I release all the unhappy thoughts from my system. But am I able to do that for others? What if I'm willing to help, but they are unwilling to recieve my help? Is that my fault? Or am I just thinking too much..

Yeah thanks a lot to those who found me helpful when I just complain alongside you. HAHA. so to those out there who need to share all your unhappiness, I'm going to tell you what I've been telling others..

Monica's hotline is on 24/7.. You can email her if you're not in any rush. You can message her if you want a faster reply. And for instant replies just call her straight. haha.

---

ok. I'm not sure if I made any sense in the above nonsense. Whatever you want to call it la. I've been in this weird state for a long time. I feel very shattered inside and have been overly sensitive recently. Haiz. I really dunno what's wrong with me. I think I'm taking a few issues too seriously. And with the exams approaching. I think I'll go mad if I don't return to my normal self soon. I cannot afford to let my parents down, all the more I cannot afford to let God down. I need to snap out of this. Whatever this is.. And get serious. Get more hardworking and responsible. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I think I'm mad, on the verge of breaking down. I hate the way I am now. I'm not usually like this. THIS IS NOT ME? but if this is not me. then where am I? Who am I now?

i think i'm going crazy. I don't even know what I'm talking about..

so hard to say goodbye

This place is kinda dead isn't it. Oh well..

Yeah the hectic month of July is over. And even though it was just a few days, it seemed like forever. I MISS THE SEC FOURS ALREADY!! I DON'T WANT THEM TO LEAVE! I miss all the times when we played together. My first time playing with ther performing grp, last year in founders' day. And when I officially joined the performing group, I can remember the first song given to us was burong kakak tua, and that I had 3 different assignments until Mrs Aw finally stopped changing my positions. I miss all the times when we just sat down and eat and talk non stop. I miss Sandra aka Lao Da giving all her debriefs. I miss all the nonsense from Krystle, Lao San and Ah Ma. I miss all the logics Lao Er would give and how nice she was, never getting angry. Basically I just miss the performing group '06. It was because of this group that handbells played such an important role in my life. It was because of this group that I always looked forward to handbells, one of the reasons why I go through lessons on tuesdays and fridays, no matter how sick I am. I REALLY REALLY REALLY MISS THEM ALREADY! AND IT'S ONLY A FEW DAYS!! How I wish they don't have to go. How I wish they could stay................ Sometimes I just feel like crying, because they are leaving.. Haiz, I hope the new performing group would be as fun. Tiffany and I are going to prove to the sec fours that the performing group won't only be so close every 2 years. We are going to break all the bonds and make everyone close to each other. However, I doubt things would ever be the same...

School have not been any better. I'M SO HORRIBLE! I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M SO LAZY. I have like so much work cos I could not finish everything during e learning, but yet I just don't want to do it. But I still manage to get through everyday. But I'm still dead la. Blegh. Must learn how to manage my time properly and set my priorities right. Besides the hw fact. There are still many things in school that is bothering me. I don't really want to talk about it but somehow, after thinking for a long long time. I just really want to say this. I know it's horrible to have a class chair who is very demanding, but I really hope I can recieve basic respect from my class, that they'll do as they are told, without changing anything I say. I never had any of such nonsense only until recently and sometimes it just gets very stressful. I hate it when I'm trying to please everyone that there are some people just out to make my life difficult. But that's how life is isn't it. I can't have everything the way I want it. And it got me thinking. Am I the one causing everything to be so miserable? Is it just me? I stand by my stands. I know what I want, I know what I believe in. I'm sure that my beliefs are right (not saying anyone's beliefs are wrong). I can't be expected to go against my beliefs can I? But somehow I feel that so many are against my beliefs. Or is it they just can't respect the way I think?

Life is so confusing.. I'm going to go mad at this rate.. I need to stop all of these.. I need a break from all these.. I need help!! Please pray for me. I really dunno what to do. Am I doing my job properly as a class chair?

Royston Tan FTW! Censorship at its best!

hahah. this is Jonathan.. the director of the musical at my school. hahaha.

YIPEE!!! Tomorrow's the musical. The day when all our hard work and long practice hours will finally pay off. It's going to be so much fun, performing our very best for audience who pay so so much. I hope whoever comes enjoy it. Let us all remember that we're doing this for God as this musical is about Him. I hope that through this musical, more will come to know about Christ. This could be a good way to invite more people to church.. But whatever it is.

I CAN'T WAIT FOR THE MUSICAL!! IT'S GOING TO BE SO SO SO EXCITING! 3 DAYS, 6 PERFORMANCES, HERE I COME!!!

I don't understand why I'm wanted to do this quiz. SERIOUSLY it's a waste of time. But since I'm arrowed twice to do it, I shall do it la. Blegh. Here goes...


The rules: Bold the statements that are true to you. Italise the statements that you WISH are true. Leave the Fibs alone. Then, stab 5 people to do the same test.

I miss somebody right now.
I dont watch TV these days.
I wear glasses or contact lenses.
I love to play video games.
I've tried marijuana.
I have been in a threesome.
I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.
I believe honesty is usually the best policy.
I curse sometimes.
I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.
I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.
I'm TOTALLY smart.
I've broken someone's bones.
I'm paranoid sometimes.
I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
I need money right now.
I LOVE sushi
I talk really,really fast.
I have long hair.
I have lost money in Las Vegas.
I have at least one sibling.
I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past.
I couldn't survive without Caller I.D.
I like the way i look.
I am usually pessimistic.
I have a lot of mood swings.
I have a hidden talent.
I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar i have.
I have a lot of friends.
I am currently single.
I have pecked someone of the same sex.
I enjoy talking on the phone.
I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
I love to shop.
Enjoy window shopping.
I would rather shop than eat.
I don't hate anyone.
I'm a pretty good dancer.
I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
I have a cell phone.
I believe in God.
I watch MTV on a daily basis.
I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.
I've rejected someone before.
I have no idea what i want to do for the rest of my life.
I want to have children in the future.
I have changed a diaper before.
I've called the cops on a friend before.
I'm not allergic to anything.
I have a lot to learn.
I have been with someone at least 10 years older or younger.
I am shy around the opposite sex.
I have tried alcohol before.
I have made a move on a friend's significant other or crush in the past.
I own the "South Park" movie.
I would die for my best friends.
I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza.
I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all.
Halloween is awesome because you get free candy.
I watch Spongebob Squarepants and i like it.
I am happy at this moment!
I'm obsessed with guys.
I study for tests most of the time.
I tie my shoelaces differently from anyone I've ever met.
I am comfortable with who I am right now.
I have more than just my ears pierced.
I walk barefoot wherever i can.
I have jumped off a bridge.
I love sea turtles.
I spend ridiculous money on makeup.
Plan on achieving a major goal/dream.
I'm proficient in a musical instrument.
I worked at McDonald's restaurant.
I hate office jobs.
I love sci-fi movies.
I think water rules.
I went college out of state.
I like sausages.
I love kisses.
I fall for the worst people.
I adore bright colours.
I can't live without black eyeliner.
I don't know why the hell i just did this stupid thing.
I usually like covers better than originals.
I can pick up things with my toes.
I can't whistle.
I can move my tongue in waves, much like a snakes slither.
I have ridden/owned a horse.
I still have every journal I've ever written in.
I can't stick to a diet.
I talk in my sleep.
I try to forget things by drowning them out with loads of distractions.
Climbing trees is a brilliant past-time.
I have jazz in my blood.
I wear a toe ring.
I have a tattoo.
I can't stand at LEAST one person that i work with.
I am a caffeine junkie.
I cosplay or know what cosplaying is.
I have been to over 15 conventions.
I will collect anything, and the more nonsensical the better.
I'm an artist.
I only clean my room when necessary.
I like a person of the same sex.
I love being happy.
I am an adrenaline junkie.

1. Tiffany
2. Rui Jun
3. Daniel
4.Jessica
5. Sarah

ok I'm finally done with this stupid quiz. haha

My blog is kinda dead isn't it..

Anyway. I've been really busy this whole week. Actually the whole month have been nothing but practices. Yeah. This week is like a handbell week. Monday missed all lessons because of Founder's Day technical run. The on Tuesday, missed all lessons again because of Founder's Day run(whole school) and Open Day technical run. And I still have normal handbell prac after school. Ok Wednesday had musical prac.. Somehow I can't remember if there was handbells during the day. I don't think so. Ya. Lao Da didn't come for that so like ya.. Not good la. Cos only Lao Da knows the cue very well. Thursday was Open Day full dress rehearsal.. That was really really bad la. We played so badly for that. Lao Da didn't come too. Ah Ma forgot there was open day rehearsal. And yesterday we had normal prac until 5.30. Then had dinner. and at 6 - 11 we had musical prac. Yeah. Craziness la. Later still have to go to school at like 2.30 cos of the real opening ceremony. Then tmr have church and musical prac from 4 - 11? Yeah.

This is only for this week. But so far it has been ok la. Mg Handbells choir just make every situation fun. Like for yesterday. We were supposed to have makeup on then somehow like that also can get very funny and exciting. Then after the first run, we went to the handbells room and started playing. We played like Jacob's ladder and all. And like I never knew the sec ones didn't know how to play. It was so so funny. Yeah then like second run..

Yeah that's basically it. Dunno if I'm looking forward to the ceremony later or not. I hope I enjoy myself.. Like somehow I don't really want to go. But in a weird way I'm looking forward to it. So like. I think I'm weird. hahahaha. oh well.

Below is from an email that Tiffany sent.. It's really funny, and in a way makes you think. Why are Africans called coloured?

This poem was nominated poem of 2005 for the best poem, written by an African kid!!!
When I born, IBlack,
When I grow up, I Black,
When I go in Sun, I Black,
When I scared, I Black,
When I sick, I Black,
And when I die, I still black..
And you White fella,
When you born, you Pink,
When you grow up, you White,
When you go in Sun, you Red,
When you cold, you Blue,
When you scared, you Yellow,
When you sick, you Green,
And when you die, you Gray..
And you calling me Colored ??

Haha. Exactly one year ago was the day that I actually knew Tiffany, Priscilla, Cherie and Isabel. It was the SYF opening ceremony and it was when the few of us, along with Petrina and Jeanie were in the dressing room, the oh so cool dressing room, waiting for the performing group to get finish all their performances.

It was then when I saw all the sec ones (currently sec twos) playing with their handphones, except for priscilla who did not have a handphone. And all 3 handphones were like 6610i and they were playin the hat dance tune, seeing which phone could 'dance'. It was super retarded. It was then that I started talking to them, and all of us started to get really high. And at that point, we started to get to know each other better and look at us today! We are just a bunch of crazy people.

To think. If exactly one year ago, if we weren't asked to come help in the opening ceremony, we might not even be friends now. Maybe it is because of our craziness, that now the choir is like this, everyone doing crazy stuff. Who knows man. What things would be like without us getting to know each other at the opening ceremony. But whatever it is, I like the way things are like now.

HAPPY ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY! (to pris, tiffany, cherie and isabel. ahah this is so lame)

problematic

so many things are just going on...... How I wish time could just stop for a while.

Handbells is now so stressful. And if I find this stressful then next year will definately be worse. Next year is SYF, this year is only non stop performances. Now with all the musical practices, it can seriously kill us. And that is not the only performance, so that means we still have our own practices. Sometimes I think you should just keep quiet. How can you say we don't have any committment towards handbells. Half the time you aren't even with us. You don't let us do so many things, don't let us end early and still expect us to have 2 major practices one after the other and still find time for dinner. You think we are all so free? Able to go buy clothes whenever we feel like. We have to spend so much money just because they say we don't look nice. We can't be forever buying new items for each performance can we? It's crazy la. You expect us to do so much, we don't live only for handbells you know. We have a life. To think that I use to enjoy every part of handbells, but now I just dread seeing you. You make us sound so lousy when we play, yet you do no better.

And to add fuel to the fire. I still have other problems to settle. HAIZ! I don't really want to talk about it but ya. I hope everything goes well in settling it, I don't want like to in the end get wronged for something I didn't do.

But I must say that there's a silver lining on every cloud. Despite me feeling all these. I must say that I'm very blessed. I've been selected to go New Zealand, somewhere that I most probably won't be able to go with my family cos it's so expensive. And after that, I would be going Japan with my CCA. And most probably would be going to mission trip after that. 3 trips! So cool. God has really blessed me.

I hope I'd be able to go through all of this...